The Ignorance of Size 00
It’s scary to me
how all this time,
all these years,
I allowed myself to believe the media.
I was consumed by the idea of the size 00 being pefection.
Up until now, today, I believed anything over a size 2 was
unacceptable. Awful, disgusting, large, FAT.
Now I realized that the measurements of a US 2 is as follows:
why did I ever allow myself to believe that a 26” waist was associated with ‘fat’ or ‘large’?!
How did I even THINK that a 23” waist was relavitivly normal,
and WHY did I think my 23” waist wasn’t good enough, that it needed to be 20”.
Ana is scary, terrifying.
She comes without notice or reason.
Takes you down and smothers you.
Consumes you whole.
You become Anas project, and Ana becomes your project.
You love each other.
The thought of you ever parting or being away from Ana puts you in a panic.
Where would you be without the self control?!
People look up to you for your willpower!
Your self control..
But does anyone actually take notice?
Does anyone notice the determination you have?
Does anyone even care?
You spend days and days
and weeks and weeks
starving and crying
hitting and cutting
kicking and screaming…
All for a mere 5 pounds lost
there and here.
Does anyone notice the things that you notice?
Do they see what you see?
Are you actually crazy or do they just tell you that?
Do they just tell you you’re thin because they know your ‘condition’.
Do they just tell you they don’t notice the cellulite
so they don’t pinch a nerve?
It seems we will never know,
whether or not you see what I see.
Because you’re always tip-toeing around my feelings.
But please dear, I have close to none
so stop trying to spare them.
Can someone be dead but living at the same time?
The thought of zombies existing would’ve never crossed my mind before.
But now, seeing you so dull
No feelings, none at all.
No joy, laughter, sympathy, love, nothing is there.
The only feelings you show is towards Ana when you feel you have failed.
Anger, frustration, sadness.
With those feelings follows depression, anxiety, bipolar…
You’re spiralling down.
Deeper and deeper,
you’re digging your grave.
You told Ana since day one
you’d do anything to be perfect.
Even if that means dying.
Dying to be thin…
Dead girls are thinner, afterall.