Every Stitch and Hem

Anonymous: How do u feel


Anonymous: R u alive


17. June 2014

The mirror scares me lately
I don’t like who I am becoming
Or who I’ve been these past few weeks

Weeks, weeks, I’m becoming weak.
Weaker in my actions
Weaker in my thoughts
Please don’t eat

Have I failed?
Have I not failed myself, my disease, but everyone around me?

All I wanted was to disappear
From everything
From all that I fear
I wanted to waste away into the ocean
And disintegrate into the sea

Sea, sea, see what you’ve done?
You’re a pig
All you do is fail, and eat and eat
Go ahead, dig
Dig your hole a little deeper

I’m torn apart
My heads a mess
As well as my apathetic heart

I keep turning towards the mirror
Repeating “this is not ok”
Because that’s all I can make out
Hitting, punching, screaming
Anything to punish myself for what I’ve become

Here’s to you, ana
You win….

El fin

I want to love someone again so bad
and honestly, that scares me.

This morning I woke up so dehydrated from taking so many laxatives daily that I couldn’t walk straight. I was running into everything. I felt like I was drunk.

I just ate and now I feel like I am going to be so sick in a matter of minutes.

You win again, Ana.

I hate how I let you effect my whole mood and night.

"If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo never let them go"

Matthew Gray Gubler (via letlovefindyou33)

(via ohdoe)

Sometimes I play out different scenarios in my head on what it’s going to be like when you leave me.

Anonymous: I just came across your most recent post, and wow.. did you write that? I relate to that so much and when I read it.. idk, it just really struck something in me.

I did.
I’m really happy someone could relate to it, that’s incredible.
Stay strong, you’re not alone xo.

She began to eat
One day, two days, three days, four days, five days, until two weeks went by.
It was happening all too fast
She was losing control of the only thing she had ever had control over
She stood in the shower,
Clawing for her ribs while the warm water washed her tears down the drain
She couldn’t feel the bones that once reflected her self control
Once more, a week shifted by
Back in the shower she went,
This time looking down and seeing her thighs touched
It seems so insignificant to you and I, but to her this was too far
She had done too much, said too much and thought too much
She didn’t want recovery and she knew it